I am not an anti-social. But at one point in life I realize it is getting tiring and cumbersome to deal with people and giving a damn about their opinions when they actually don't give a genuine damn about you.
I find it a pity that I don't realize this early enough to stop myself from being taken advantage by people and putting too much into relationships and trusting people too much. If only I have known better. I think this is probably why I don't have much friends now. Being more focused on myself, family and a tad cynical when it comes to people, always questioning about their real motive. (I admit I have trust issues.) I can count the number of my closer friends using one hand now. My messages doesn't come in as often as compared when I'm in my early twenties, sometimes not even one a day (or for days tbh, sadly). But not that it mattered or I'm affected by it. I'm totally fine because being a working parent my days are busy enough (sometimes even replying to messages can become a chore).
''When you get to a certain age, making new friends stops being something that interests you. Because you’ve already been there and done that, and it ended up sucking major ass.''
When I realize the people I trusted has actually betrayed my trust, the feeling isn't good. I feel silly to believe that these people are mature and sensible enough not to do anything that will potentially ruin somebody else's relationship. Yes, silly me. Because the fact is that they actually don't give a shit if their actions will affect your relationship. They will probably even gloat over it because they themselves are PATHETIC and SINGLE and LONELY as fuck. Because they feel sore to see other people happy. At this point, you may be guessing that the person i'm writing about is a woman because women feels jealous easily, right? But what if you are wrong, because single men can also feel the same. As long as its human, they are the SAME. This is when I realize that nobody gives a real fcuk about you even though yeah, you hang out together before, you were facebook friends, you commented on each other posts and liked each other posts before. So what? All of these was a façade.
''I’ve been on this earth for a quarter-century, and if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that people are the goddamn worst. When you’re a kid, you expect that people have your best interest at heart. You trust them with your heart.''
''When you get a little bit older and lot more jaded, you start to see the truth: People are almost entirely self-serving, and no one gives a f*ck about you.''
I'm disappointed with people. I will never allow myself to be emotionally at someone's else disposal again.
''I toughened up because I had to. You can’t survive this sordid population without a thick skin.''
This is the ugly truth of growing up. When you are a kid, everything and everyone is nice and innocent. Until you started going to schools and realize your friends are mean, they bully you and boycott you. When I was in primary school, my friend took my money, I don't know if it was okay to give her my money but it doesn't feel right. At the same time I'm also afraid I will have no friends if I don't give her my money. The feeling of such confusion and helplessness - I certainly don't want my kids to experience such unpleasant emotions even though its inevitable. But I will do my best to prevent such things from happening. So, the schools had bullies, mean teachers, fierce discipline master and the stern principal. Life in school is miserable you thought. Until you step out to the working world, you realize there are worse people. They are called backstabbers, the good and bad managers and the good and bad bosses. If you are one of those people up there, good. But be the nice ones, not mean ones.
You spend half of your life fending away these rotten apples and keep the good ones, you had your own family and just when you think everything is in control or is much more peaceful...... You start becoming more conscious of what is happening around the world, around you. You realize there are people called the terrorists. What do they do? They bomb people. What kind of people do that? We are all humans. Why can't we live in peace with each other? So now you know why I agree with the article that people are the goddamn worst? Because PEOPLE. Growing up only to realize people are the ones who creates existing world problems. Sometimes I don't know if I made the right choice by bringing my kids to this fucked-up world, to realize life is not a bed of roses waiting for them. One day they gonna realize life is no longer just about Legos and Barbie Dolls. And it breaks me that such innocence will be taken away from them one day. But I guess this is life.
I hope I can be the one who break these hard truths to them and not let them discover themselves. That not everyone is who they seems to be and some of them will hurt them real bad. And of course there's a lot more other stuffs they are going to discover apart from what I have mentioned above. But I hope I can be equipped enough to go through every obstacles with them.