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Adeline Miller

Why I refused to sleep at night, even when i'm exhausted

2/23/2017

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I noticed most of my colleagues who are mothers themselves, are always complaining about tired and the lack of sleep.  I'm indifferent.  I really really craved to have a good and long sleep, from night until the next lunch time.  I haven't skipped breakfast for a loooong time! Haha! 

But the need to sleep is in conflict with my necessity to have some time for myself.  My typical day is waking up early in the morning to prepare my son for school or myself for work and by evening when I knocked off from work, I have to be home to look after my children (right after shower).  I have to feed the little sister dinner, guide Dominic with his weekly spelling and homework (if any).  And then I have to wash up for the both of them, prepare their milk, brush their teeth before they went to bed.  Of course in between these set of routines are, episodes of silly fights between the brother and sister over toys or for whatever reasons, cuddles or weight-lifting here and there, losing shit over their silly fights or mischiefs and so on.   That would be a couple of hours gone.  By then, with my hair looking like a broom accompanied with an oily T-zone, i'm exhausted after a long day of battle, at work and at home. 

But I can't just head for the bed and fall asleep there and then.  At least 45 mins will be dedicated to washing up for myself, slapping on serums, creams, eye mask, face mask, and tong my hair.  I tong my hair before sleep so that I don't have to wake up earlier just to tong it in the morning.  The curls become abit loosen when I woke up but I like the out-of-bed wavy curls.  After finishing my beauty routine, no, not yet time to sleep.

Sometimes, I really want to catch my favorite HK TVB Drama, listen to some music or just thinking about things in my head.  On rare occasions when I feel hungry, I would head for the kitchen and cook myself a bowl of instant noodle, sit at the bar top and enjoy some peace, alone.  I also had a dozen of my favorite magazines laying around the bar top waiting for me to flip through. 

All the above, I wouldn't be able to do it in comfort in the presence of my kids.  No way.  Because everything I do, they want to get involved, especially snacking.  I have to hide in a corner to consume it otherwise they will insist to give them their share by screaming or crying. 

So sacrificing some sleep in order to gratify these needs seems to be the only way. 

Let's talk about my nonexistent social life.  My few closer friends are also married with kids and we understands how our family life consumes most of our time.  We only met on special occasions like Birthday partys or festive seasons.  If we really have to catch up, we took annual leaves to meet up, when the kids are more likely in school or having afternoon naps.  We totally understand since we are mothers.  So you know I don't go anywhere in the evenings after work.  Hardly.

The weekends are strictly reserved for any family outings...etc.  You know how everyone in the family spends Mon-Fri either working or studying in school.  Weekends are extremely precious.  But nowadays, I decided not to have too much going on on Sunday because Dominic needs to wake up early for school on Monday. 

So you see, my Mondays to Fridays are really up to my neck.  I hope childless people understands, that these little humans are not like dogs.  They are 10000x more demanding than a dog.  Please be more sensitive and understanding when you want something from me.  When I try to explain my difficulties, kindly do not bring your dogs into the picture.  Thank you.
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    Adeline MILLER

    Scratch the surface of a cynic and you find a frustrated idealist.                    

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